Lucius the Wild Man, Snape the Diva, HarrySmashy
by WillyWonkaTastesLike
Summary: Lucius takes to hunting naked, Snape is unconscious, Harry is a hero, and Draco "LOVES Hermione, just kidding".  A collection of wild, ridiculous stories brought on by late night hilarity. A lot of the Malfoy's.
1. Lucius' Manly Voyage

**BEFORE YOU READ**: This story was the result of a game (Harry Potter themed) where two people take turns building a story by saying two words each turn. Example: One day/there was/a small/birthday cake/sitting on/~~~~~ So don't tell me it's badly written or whatever you might.

Readers should try it sometime, it's a load of fun! Enjoy. (:

One day Lucius decided he wanted to run stark naked in jungle and hunt young wizards with crossbow. He gathered his belongings in sack andbegan to discuss his plans for manly voyage. Narcissa felt betrayed and cast aside by knew his father would bring many corpses and even some dindin. So when Lucius turned to undress in preparation, Draco felt ecstatic and kissed his large ring that would soon be without finger. Lucius smiled and headed to wilderness. I love no one just kidding except you boy he said and flipped his wispy hair. Once Lucius descended upon the outskirts of his vast private jungle, he stooped to listen for feet of young wizard and sniffed the moisture of dew. Suddenly he realized that bigger prey awaited him beyond the rolling hills. He immediately changed course and began to sprint with intensity. He felt niggardly about his prey so he decided that he wanted to eat the young himself. He stopped and felt his chest ripple and squeezed his biceps to ensure maximum virility before continuing his voyage. He heard a noise similar to that of babies cry. So in response he tensed his buttock and marked his territory. Now he smirked smugly that baby will know its place.

Two more to come, and possibly more after that! Reviews are appreciated, but only nice or ridiculous ones. No seriousness allowed here.


	2. Snape feels pretty

Second installment. Enjoy! (:

Lucius pounded on the fire mantle very excitedly with rage. Draco smiled and Lucuis smiled too, mockingly. Then Draco hugged his knees and laughed with pain and happiness. Lucius turned and said fuck you, making Draco wince and say I don't hear you. Malfoy Senior threw a tissy fit and charged toward the young wizard. Malfoy jumped and smiled, landing on Malfoy Senior, who bucked and stripped himself of all jewelry. Malfoy shouted get off. Lucius screamed fuck you once again and ripped a tendon from within his bowels. Draco smiled menacingly and hugged Lucius whispering quietly I love your pain just kidding. Lucius snarled I love your pain just kidding not really. Draco whined but father you're beautiful and sexy! Lucius punched Malfoy's belly and laughed spitefully. Then Draco kissed Lucius on his forehead and Lucius disgustedly kissed back with pity. I love nothing being a son of a bitch Lucius joked half heartedly. Young Malfoy looked at his father confused and hugged him once again. Lucius said I hate my wife and you but now I must kiss you to prove my love just kidding. Young Malfoy started crying with confusion and anguish. I LOVE Herione Granger just kidding. Lucius kissed his hand and smiled bitterly. Then Snape arrived Diva Style and said hello babies. You can't just barge on Draco and I Snape said. Lucius threw himself at Snape feeling lusty musty and gay. Snape screamed and fell out the window and fainted. Draco panicked and kissed his rosary with love and fear and love. Lucius muttered Dracos wonderful and stupid and beautiful. Snape laid like slug lethargic and unconscious. In the malfoy manor chaos erupted. Lucius had no patience and taken his wand and cast a healing crucio curse on malfoy who screamed and fell upon Lucius in tears of love fuck you. I love no one except you just kidding just kidding. You lie Lucius said throwing draco on the stone floor. Hey Draco said upset I love you daddy really truly,

Ahh the ridiculousness..


	3. NUDE PUNISHMENT

Third installment. Enjoy! :D

One day I was beating upon my child Draco Malfoy when was startled by a voice coming from outside. It turned out to be Harry Potter and his loyal friend Ronald Weasley. They gasped in unison when they realized that I was completely nude except for my rings. Harry knocked on the window pane and cried Mr Malfoy what is happening here. I then lost my concentration and stopped beating my son long enough to throw a curse at the window. Harry and Ron cheered and clapped when Draco also nude escaped slyly. I then roared with passion and unmatchable fury. They gasped again and decided to break the window and fight the stallion. Harry smashed my pelvis with unbelievable force and courage; this angered me so I ended up hurling my fist into his green eye. No Shouted Draco Malfoy with fear. He dove into the closet and cowered with uncharacteristic fear. Then Ron managed to squeeze past the hustle to grab the land line and throw his shoe into the face of his friend Harry by mistake. Startled, I heaved myself onto my son to protect him. My paternal instincts overtook my usual cruel demeanor. Run for it shouted Draco valiantly as he noticed his chance to save his own hinny. How dare you try to escape my clutches I screamed. Malfoy scampered from beneath my fists of glory and fled. I fortunately was aware of everything so I chased him with my tookas round and round. He screamed with confusion and dropped tucked and smash rolled out of the house, where he was beaten, yet again by Lucius.


End file.
